Single, Saved, and Celibate Series: Fighting Temptation
Satan is that you?
I usually say this statement to myself when I feel like I am being tempted. Whether it be through a fine, delicious looking man or something else I know I can’t have. You see the devil tempts everyone differently. The seed of your temptation is planted in your weaknesses. My weakness, for a long time, was men. If you’ve read my first book, Troubled, you will remember that nearly every chapter was a new man and a new heartache.
It wasn’t until I became celibate that I really started to “withdraw” from my weakness. See now, Satan can’t use men to tempt me anymore because it’s no longer my weakness. I’ve nearly mastered the art of a sexy, enticing, Black man and honestly, I owe 90% of it to my celibacy vow. When you aren’t giving up the goods you wean out all of the “bullshit men”, which for me has been all except MAYBE 2 in the past 3 years. Now the devil uses loneliness or mind wandering to tempt me. Since I spend a lot of time alone (okay most times) then I have a lot of time to think about what I don’t have or what I want in a man…like at that moment. But it is only in that short moment of weakness that I ask myself, “Why am I doing this again?”
I’m too grounded and committed at three years to break now. Have I made some mistakes and found “loopholes” to the rules of celibacy? Yes. Because while I thought they were loopholes, I was deeply convicted because of them (will be revealed soon).
Let’s write this out by year shall we:
Year One (February 8, 2015 to February 8, 2016):
Don’t worry fellas of my past. I’m saving your deep details for the next book, not this blog. The first year was tough, rough, and terrifying. The one thing that helped was I was dating a guy outside of my race that I can honestly say I wasn’t “intimately” attracted to. I say intimately because he was indeed physically attractive, but I couldn’t see myself having sex with him. Which means I couldn’t see a married life with him either. Definitely not dating outside my race again. NO I’M NOT RACIST! I would just prefer to spend the rest of my life with a strong, melanin-rich man. More importantly, the culture difference was unbearable for me. He just didn’t know my plight. There were a few guys here and there the first year that I was moving too fast with. Kissing, touching, hell anything but vaginal or anal sex (don’t worry my stories are coming). It was a fight inside between the old me and the new me and the old me was whooping the new me ass. BUT! The new me still won at the end.
My advice is this: In year one, just stay away from the male species as a whole. Your hormones will be out of control. Your blood pressure might start rising. Your attitude will become frustrated all the time. You will make the mistake of thinking oral sex doesn't count. Masturbation takes over your life. Hell, you just might start sweating. It’s called “withdrawals” and they are real.
Year Two (February 8, 2016 to February 8, 2017):
By the time you get past year one, the physical withdrawals will be gone, and the mental withdrawals will arise. This is when I started to question why I was celibate. I had to really get close to God. My grandmother was sick (passed July 16, 2016) and it weighed down on me heavy. I didn’t have an outlet through men or sex. I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me it was going to be okay. Honestly, I couldn’t find that in the men I was “talking” to because eventually…all roads lead to sex. Most men couldn’t handle being that close to me. I was already strong in my willpower, so I was able to withstand being close to a man without getting aroused. These men on the other hand, weren’t for it. I met one guy that was really supportive and sweet (not the cutest guy), but I didn’t want to truly date anyone. I was still building myself and healing my scorned heart. It’s okay to take time to yourself. Not just a day or two. Weeks, months, maybe even a year.
Year Three (February 8, 2017 to February 8, 2018):
OH BABY! My three-year celibersary is almost here. I’m more happy and excited than I am on my birthday. This past year has been nothing short of amazing. I had one guy I briefly dated in the first couple months, but for the most part it’s been ALL ME! I started “Elements of ME Writing & Motivation”, my baby The Troubled Movement turned 1, and I’ve been awarded and recognized for my work as a mentor and in the community. YEAR THREE IS ME BABY!
By the time you hit year three, you begin considering yourself a pro. If you’ve made it here without giving in and having premarital sex, then you are what I call a strong woman (or man). Keep going! Even if you are on year 1, KEEP GOING! Temptation will come for you every step of the way. You may not be tempted the same way as I was, but I promise you will be. The guy will capture not only your physical attraction but your mental. You have to be strong in your faith and talk to God. Read about it (like this blog). Train your mind and body to say no and be okay with saying no. It feels good to say no to sex. Create boundaries. Stand your ground and protect your temple. If you slip up and have sex, start over. Repent about it and begin again.
I need you to be prepared for temptation so when it comes you can be ready. See I stay ready, so I don’t have to get ready. Now granted my heart has a steel barrier around it, but for good reason. In the three years I’ve been celibate, I never let anyone into my heart. So, it hasn’t been as hard for me as it could have (To God be the Glory). Partly because I knew they weren’t the one from the beginning and also because my life had begun to be an emergency exit for men. They came in through the front and ran out the back (setting off the alarm). Plus I have a vision that no man can distract me from. I won't have it! I refuse. Tie me up kicking and screaming because I'm not letting everything I worked hard for fall apart over failed love and some man. I'm not trying to be a negative Nancy, or giving up on love, but I know how I get with men and love. Trust me it's for my own good. The man I will marry will have to face a long time of observation and if he is truly the one for me sent by God, he’ll wait.
Don’t worry my celibate sibling…they’ll wait.
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