Make Time for Yourself

I can’t tell y’all how many times I’ve attempted to write a blog. How many paragraphs or titles are in my phone. How many times I’ve planned or talked about it. Between a storm, a blessing, and a schedule so full the boxes on the calendar are too small, I just…couldn’t do it.

Single, Saved, and Celibate Series: Yes...Oral Sex is Sex Too

Disclaimer: If you are under age, one of those people who can’t read or talk about sex as if it’s not a part of human life, or a “Super Christian” whose mouth drops open when someone says sex of any type and all things related: don’t read past this line and if you do well…read at your own risk.

My dear readers, celibate siblings, and those in between…

It’s been almost a month since I’ve posted in the enlightening Single, Saved, and Celibate Series. Between conviction and commitment, this blog post has taken a little longer than usual. Fret not! I am here now and I am ready to dive into to this very complicated, opinionated topic.

When I first began my road to celibacy, I tried to find loopholes. It’s like I wanted everything except vaginal sex. I wanted oral sex or “head” as we sometimes call it. I wanted to kiss, cuddle, foreplay, all-a-dat. So, I did. Oral sex wasn’t frequent for me, but that devil was surely present.

Okay right here is when people hit me with the, “Aww you’re not really celibate! You might as well just have sex” line.

Single, Saved, and Celibate Series: Engagment Is Not Marriage

FIRST, HAPPY THREE-YEAR CELIBACY ANNIVERSARY TO ME!

It’s been a looonnngggg time coming. Cheers to the unknown number of years to come.

I’ve often received the question, of course from inquiring men studying the vow that I’ve taken, “What if you get engaged? Will you have sex with your fiancé since you know you guys are going to be married?”

No!

My answer is always no. There are no “work-arounds” to celibacy. The celibate vow is until marriage. Marriage has been entered after the Officiant says, “I now pronounce you husband and wife.” Then and only then will my celibate journey end. Just because you are engaged to someone doesn’t give a 100% guarantee you’ll get married.

 

Single, Saved, and Celibate Series: Fighting Temptation

Satan is that you?

I usually say this statement to myself when I feel like I am being tempted. Whether it be through a fine, delicious looking man or something else I know I can’t have. You see the devil tempts everyone differently. The seed of your temptation is planted in your weaknesses. My weakness, for a long time, was men. If you’ve read my first book, Troubled, you will remember that nearly every chapter was a new man and a new heartache.

Single, Saved, and Celibate Series: Honesty is Key!

While I don’t recommend just blurting out “I’m celibate!” to every man you meet, I do believe that it should be said upfront before the friendship gets too far or you get stuck in that awkward moment of what would be intimacy. By telling a man you’re celibate before the conversation of sex and intimacy takes place, you make the assumption that all men want sex from you. While this is true 90% of the time, it can be rude to someone who doesn’t have sex on the brain.

 

Single, Saved, and Celibate Series: There's No Them in You

Today’s blog post for the Single, Saved, and Celibate Series was requested by an Instagram follower and I think that it is VERY important to speak on.

Peer Pressure!

So, you’ve made the choice to become celibate in today’s society filled with SEX. You MUST be crazy! You’re weird. Who does that? I’ve gotten those comments along with many others. I’m fortunate enough in life to not care about people’s opinions of me or my choices. I look at like this. It’s MY LIFE! Are you Maranda Moné Evans born on September 1, 1992 to Randy Evans and Melissa Pickens? No. Are you the God who wakes me up every morning? No.

 

Single, Saved, and Celibate Series: Save Yourself!

I’ve tried to find books that cater to celibate and SINGLE people. I got nothing. All I’ve read is “I was celibate, but now I’m happily married” books such as, The Wait. While I loved these books, it’s not helpful to someone is currently “going through the celibate struggle”. So, in the words of the great Toni Morrison, “If there’s a book you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.” We all know I can and will write a book about this, but I was led in a different direction this time.

 

New Year, BETTER ME

I get it. It’s a trend. It’s a hashtag. It’s what “they say”. Well guess what. There isn’t a you or me in they, so we don’t have to be a part of it. Don’t be new, be you boo! (bars)

In the preparation stage for 2018, I’ve decided not to be a new me but a better me, a wealthier me, a more successful me. First, I’m going to be the me that stops underestimating my gifts and talents. Before you get confused…let me explain.

 

Wait a Damn Minute. . . I'm Still 25

Now y’all know I don’t care about what I say to folk. My teens, my people, my readers love my honesty. If you can’t respect my honesty or deal with it then I can’t help you. Because a fake person ain’t worth shit in a real life. So to those people who are worried about what my social media perceives to other people…no I’m not going to say it. I JUST might hurt someone’s feelings.

Sexual Abuse & Celibacy

When I took my vow February 8, 2015 to be celibate (the state of voluntarily being unmarried, sexually abstinent, or both, usually for religious reasons), I didn’t think about my past of sexual assault. But leave it to Ms. Alex...my wonderful, loving therapist to make me think...connect...and most of all heal.

Moment of Truth

The one thing I will never be is a “cover up Queen”. Okay maybe I’ll cover up a pimple or two, which very rarely happens because I’m too lazy. But when it comes to the struggles of life, my sometimes I can be a bitch emotions, and the fact that I’m broke…as…hell, there is no cover up for me. I lay it all out on my blog, books, or journal. People respect my honesty and look to me for authenticity. And as always…I give what the people want!

A Lesson on Blessings

I decided to go to the NRG Shelter and volunteer through Neighborhood Centers to assist with displaced “guests” as a result of Harvey from Hell.

*Quick pause* I just want to say how pissed I am at Harvey because he’s getting way too much credit and attention. Okay back to what I was saying. . .

A But for Your Burden

Well if you’re a human and keep up with society, you’ll know that Houston is currently facing one of the biggest storms in US History. Yes. Allison & Ike’s daddy. Rita’s uncle. And his name is big bad HARVEY! The only thing Harvey has allowed me to do was get much needed rest and be productive by planning how I’m going to rebuild my city when he finally leaves.

He Tried Me. . .

Calm down Maranda. You got this!

I talked myself up, took some deep breaths, said a prayer, and got ready for my Facebook live session. During my Facebook live session, I was probably the most happiest and excited. Everything in that video was real because for some reason I am at peace the most when I'm witnessing about what God has done or motivating people on what to do. Once that session was over, the stomach kung-fu came back full force. I had a book release dinner to get to and could barely get dressed.

Absence of Paternal Love

I want to write about the absence of paternal love, specifically from a female perspective. Paternal love is important whether there is a son or daughter. However paternal love is especially important to a woman because without it there may be severe consequences.

Puzzlement

95% of the time I am awake I am thinking of so many things. My mind moves at a pace that I can't keep up with. My thoughts are like puzzle pieces that I can't put together. I jump from one topic to another in 5 seconds. My brain is overloaded with words, so many that I can never write.

Aftermath

Everyday I sit and wonder where my life goes from here. The pain sits inside. It hurts so bad I can't even cry. I've wondered how I've gotten through only 7 days. Then I think of God above and how he has brought me many ways. Its so hard to get up in the morning let alone move on. I feel like I'm living in a really long dream that I can't wake up from. As if one day I'll look up and you'll be standing there. Truth is you won't and that's a reality I have to face. On the outside I laugh, I smile, I keep pushing. In the inside I'm weak, I'm crying, I'm broken. To lose four men is like a knife to my heart.