Single, Saved, and Celibate Series: There's No Them in You
Today’s blog post for the Single, Saved, and Celibate Series was requested by an Instagram follower and I think that it is VERY important to speak on.
So, you’ve made the choice to become celibate in today’s society filled with SEX. You MUST be crazy! You’re weird. Who does that? I’ve gotten those comments along with many others. I’m fortunate enough in life to not care about people’s opinions of me or my choices. I look at like this. It’s MY LIFE! Are you Maranda Moné Evans born on September 1, 1992 to Randy Evans and Melissa Pickens? No. Are you the God who wakes me up every morning? No. And of course people sometimes say, "Are you paying my bills? If not then you can't tell me nothing." Honey listen. You can be paying all my bills and still not be able to tell me how to live my life as an adult (notice I said as an adult because Melissa Pickens didn't play that).
My advice to you is live for yourself and not everyone else. Not family. Not friends. Not some guy or gal. And damn sure not society. The choice to become celibate is a hard choice. It’s a commitment. It’s a promise between you and your God. It’s standing up and saying, “I chose to treat my body sacredly and to save myself for my future husband or wife.” Say that out loud three times. Okay now say it aloud standing up with your hands on your hips, chest poked out, and head held high. Whenever you need a reminder, repeat those steps.
One thing I’ve learned in the last few years is people won’t always support your decisions. Some will leave, or some will stick around trying to suffocate you with their toxic ass energy attempting to throw you off. Notice I said attempting because I know you won’t let them win. Words hurt the most because mental scars take longer to heal, if they heal at all. Take those words, opinions, and negativity and throw it away. Literally ball it up right now and throw it away.
You are not alone in this. Celibacy is practiced all over the world, it just doesn’t get as much attention as sex does (hence my reason for this series). We have to bring awareness to it by sharing, not hiding or being ashamed of our powerful, sacred commitment. One of the books I read that talked greatly about sharing your decision on “The Vow” is No Ring, No Ting by Brelyn Bowman. It’s a phenomenal read! She was a virgin when she married, and wrote from a married woman (who waited) standpoint. However, the basis is still the same for non-virgins.
Never feel like you have to explain or make people understand your choices. When I get my feelings of loneliness (which are rare and will be written about), I just tell myself that God has created the man for me. “Mold him and shape him LORD!” I’ll literally yell that out in my house. That’s what keeps me going. It’s the thought of not only am I keeping my body sacred and focusing on myself, but that one day I will be able to tell my children, “Your father and I didn’t have sex before marriage…so don’t have sex!” And their father will be the man God made for me. Well what if you get a divorce and it was for nothing? I get that question too. My response is usually, “Well for one I have the faith that God won’t allow me to marry someone He didn’t place me with. For two, trust me boo he will be vetted! Ain’t no leaving this commitment.” I mean let’s be honest here. Do you really think a man will wait to have sex until marriage and follow me on this journey just for us to end up divorced? Ehhh…no. I usually get that question from salty ass men who can’t get this (definitely laughed out loud here).
Society and the people in your life will try their hardest to convince you that you’re wrong. Especially the men you date! It is your mental withstanding and faith that will keep you grounded. I can’t speak for everyone and know that my opinion is personal and based on my experience. What works for me may not work for you, but I am 99.98% sure it will if you apply it in a way that suits your needs.
To make a long story short, girl forget them! They are not walking in your shoes or living your life. They are not your Creator. They will not have to deal with the consequences of your decisions. No one is exempt from being cut off in my life. If you can’t support me, then away with you *waves hand*.
You made the right choice. Stay strong my sister (or brother), your blessing is coming.
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