Single, Saved, and Celibate Series: Honesty is Key!
As I recover from the oral surgery I had yesterday, I couldn’t miss the opportunity to write about the honesty and openness of celibacy. This blog was inspired by a recent experience I had with telling someone I was celibate, which happens often.
Don’t be ashamed!
While I don’t recommend just blurting out “I’m celibate!” to every man you meet, I do believe that it should be said upfront before the friendship gets too far or you get stuck in that awkward moment of what would be intimacy. By telling a man you’re celibate before the conversation of sex and intimacy takes place, you make the assumption that all men want sex from you. While this is true 90% of the time, it can be rude to someone who doesn’t have sex on the brain.
Yesterday as I was conversing with a male counterpart, the conversation led to why I’ve been single for four years and haven’t truly dated in almost a year. I explained that most men can’t handle my busy schedule as an author, entrepreneur, and mentor. However, the real reason comes down to my celibacy. Most of the men I’ve come into contact with either won’t accept it from the beginning or “take the challenge” believing they can break me. When they finally realize the seriousness of my vow, they go there way, and I go mine. No anger. No love lost. No issues. There is a time for everything. While I am an openly celibate woman, not everyone makes it known to the public that they are practicing celibacy.
Again, I say…don’t be ashamed!
If it’s a private decision for you then that’s okay, but if you are not sharing it because you are in some way ashamed then get rid of that feeling now. Celibacy is beautiful. Celibacy is respectful. It shows that you care about your body enough to save it for your future husband. I’m more ashamed of the many ways I gave my body away as a teenager, rather than being a celibate woman.
Like my Pastor says, “If I knew then what I know now.”
If you are dating someone it is important that you share with them your beliefs, your standards, and your commitments within yourself. They might not agree with you, but they will respect you. IF you stand your ground. Never let anyone break your commitment. Yes, that goes for engagement as well. Engagement is not marriage (more on that later). Honesty is key! If you are honest with yourself first, it will come naturally to be honest with everyone else.
Another important thing is to not get discouraged when someone you really like doesn’t accept your celibacy. It means that they are not the one for you. God has a plan for everyone. He knows the man He has created specifically for you. Yes. There will be times of loneliness but take that time to talk to God about who He has for you. Say aloud, “I won’t get discouraged because I know my time will come. God has a man just for me. He will love me, accept my vow, and travel the celibate journey with me.” If you don’t meet him tomorrow that doesn’t mean he isn’t out there.
Stay strong my celibate sister! Trust me when I say the wait will be well worth it and your honesty will bring a level of respect you deserve.
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