Single, Saved, and Celibate Series: Engagment Is Not Marriage

Single, Saved, and Celibate Series: Engagment Is Not Marriage


It’s been a looonnngggg time coming. Cheers to the unknown number of years to come.

I’ve often received the question, of course from inquiring men studying the vow that I’ve taken, “What if you get engaged? Will you have sex with your fiancé since you know you guys are going to be married?”


My answer is always no. There are no “work-arounds” to celibacy. The celibate vow is until marriage. Marriage has been entered after the Officiant says, “I now pronounce you husband and wife.” Then and only then will my celibate journey end. Just because you are engaged to someone doesn’t give a 100% guarantee you’ll get married.

Let’s check some stats shall we:

A couple is engaged an average of sixteen months before they marry. Twenty percent of engaged couples break it off before the wedding. Sixty-nine percent of engaged couples have known each other for longer than three years. Seventy percent of couples live together before marriage, but of those that do, eighty percent won't make it to their tenth anniversary. Only five percent of all marriages last fifty years.

Less than fifty percent of couples have sex on their wedding night. Hoteliers state that they most often hear that couples want to have a shower and get to sleep after a day of wedding festivities. Of those that do have sex, eighteen percent lose their virginity on their wedding night.

Article Source:

Who knows whether I or anyone reading this will be a part of that 20% that doesn’t get married. Then I’m stuck with a broken covenant with God and myself, a broken heart, and years of dedication down the drain. Ha! I…think…not. Now I don’t know that I will be a part of the less than 50% that doesn’t have sex on their wedding night. I’m sure I’ll be tired but at the same time…I’m celibate. I’ve envisioned my wedding night on multiple occasions. It may not be exact, but IT will happen.

I also couldn’t help but notice the statistic for couples who live together before marriage. That is also a no for me. Two reasons why:

1. It goes against what I believe as a maturing Christian. I say maturing because I have lived with a boyfriend in the past, back in my “Troubled” days. Also, it’s pure torture to lay with someone you love every night knowing you can’t have sex. Cohabitation also proves a higher divorce rate and problems during marriage.

2. It decreases the chance of a commitment. Think about this way (guys I apologize…not really), if a man can get all the benefits of being married by living with his girlfriend, then what’s going to make him make that commitment? What does he get from popping the question besides a union with God and his woman and a piece of paper? I realize the union is the great benefit, but if he truly cared about this “union” he wouldn’t be “shacking up” in the first place. Now I realize not all men are like this, only the ones that will take offense to what I just said.

Click here for an article I enjoyed on cohabitation and marriage.

Bottom line is engagement is not marriage. It never has been and never will be. My celibate journey will end when I have stood before God and exchanged vows with my future husband. And of course, we can’t forget the kiss!

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