Now y’all know I don’t care about what I say to folk. My teens, my people, my readers love my honesty. If you can’t respect my honesty or deal with it then I can’t help you. Because a fake person ain’t worth shit in a real life. So to those people who are worried about what my social media perceives to other people…no I’m not going to say it. I JUST might hurt someone’s feelings.
When I took my vow February 8, 2015 to be celibate (the state of voluntarily being unmarried, sexually abstinent, or both, usually for religious reasons), I didn’t think about my past of sexual assault. But leave it to Ms. Alex...my wonderful, loving therapist to make me think...connect...and most of all heal.
The one thing I will never be is a “cover up Queen”. Okay maybe I’ll cover up a pimple or two, which very rarely happens because I’m too lazy. But when it comes to the struggles of life, my sometimes I can be a bitch emotions, and the fact that I’m broke…as…hell, there is no cover up for me. I lay it all out on my blog, books, or journal. People respect my honesty and look to me for authenticity. And as always…I give what the people want!
I decided to go to the NRG Shelter and volunteer through Neighborhood Centers to assist with displaced “guests” as a result of Harvey from Hell.
*Quick pause* I just want to say how pissed I am at Harvey because he’s getting way too much credit and attention. Okay back to what I was saying. . .
Well if you’re a human and keep up with society, you’ll know that Houston is currently facing one of the biggest storms in US History. Yes. Allison & Ike’s daddy. Rita’s uncle. And his name is big bad HARVEY! The only thing Harvey has allowed me to do was get much needed rest and be productive by planning how I’m going to rebuild my city when he finally leaves.
Calm down Maranda. You got this!
I talked myself up, took some deep breaths, said a prayer, and got ready for my Facebook live session. During my Facebook live session, I was probably the most happiest and excited. Everything in that video was real because for some reason I am at peace the most when I'm witnessing about what God has done or motivating people on what to do. Once that session was over, the stomach kung-fu came back full force. I had a book release dinner to get to and could barely get dressed.
I want to write about the absence of paternal love, specifically from a female perspective. Paternal love is important whether there is a son or daughter. However paternal love is especially important to a woman because without it there may be severe consequences.
95% of the time I am awake I am thinking of so many things. My mind moves at a pace that I can't keep up with. My thoughts are like puzzle pieces that I can't put together. I jump from one topic to another in 5 seconds. My brain is overloaded with words, so many that I can never write.
Everyday I sit and wonder where my life goes from here. The pain sits inside. It hurts so bad I can't even cry. I've wondered how I've gotten through only 7 days. Then I think of God above and how he has brought me many ways. Its so hard to get up in the morning let alone move on. I feel like I'm living in a really long dream that I can't wake up from. As if one day I'll look up and you'll be standing there. Truth is you won't and that's a reality I have to face. On the outside I laugh, I smile, I keep pushing. In the inside I'm weak, I'm crying, I'm broken. To lose four men is like a knife to my heart.
