He Tried Me. . .

Let me guess. . . you're thinking just because I'm a published author, motivator, and founder of a non-profit organization that I must have it all together? My newly released book is called "Renewed Strength: Steps to Becoming A S.U.R.V.I.V.O.R", so I must be undefeatable. Welp! I've come to tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help me God. I will always tell my readers and supporters the truth. The truth is...well just keep reading.

Am I survivor? YES. Am I strong? YES. Am I human? YES.

You would think the release of my second book would've been the happiest day of my life right? I prayed that it would be. I knew it would be the greatest moment ever to honor my grandmother by releasing Renewed Strength. The minute I pressed post on Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat, my hands began to shake uncontrollably and I had a knot in my stomach so big I couldn't move from the floor.

Calm down Maranda. You got this!

I talked myself up, took some deep breaths, said a prayer, and got ready for my Facebook live session. During my Facebook live session, I was probably the most happiest and excited. Everything in that video was real because for some reason I am at peace the most when I'm witnessing about what God has done or motivating people on what to do. Once that session was over, the stomach kung-fu came back full force. I had a book release dinner to get to and could barely get dressed.

Really Satan?! You're going to do this shit today!

I knew before I released this book that the enemy would come for me FULL FORCE. A book with scriptures, encouragement, glory to God, and renewing the strength of his weak prey. Oh yeah, he wasn't having it. There's no way he could let me prosper. So....he attacked. Since that day and even during the process I was suffering heavy from anxiety disorder, depression, social phobia, and stress.

Many of my friends and family have told me I am returning back to the skinny person I used to be during my days of college depression and life-sucking love. Well friends, family...mental illness will do that to you. I don't expect them to understand. I don't expect anyone to understand me. I am ME. God knows me, loves me, and carries me. No matter what the enemy throws my way, I am fighting with the full armor of God (See Ephesians 6).

Just because you're reaching your goals doesn't mean you're not allowed to experience trials. That just provides for an even greater testimony. I'm grateful for what God has done with my writing, my story, and my gift of motivation. Nothing can stop that or stop me from working in His will. I go to therapy and treat my mental illness, which is the message I've spent years trying to send.

Survivors have hard times too. Don't feel bad about it. I'm not ashamed that I suffer from anxiety. Hell to be honest I don't even know what I'm afraid of. I've prayed and asked God to help me figure it out so I can kick its ass and keep moving in victory.

I will tell you one more thing though...nah I'll save that for my THIRD book #StayTuned

Ironically, verse of the day: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting." Psalms 139:23-24 NKJV

#ElementsOfMeBlog #MarandaEvans #MarandaWrites #MentalIllnessIsReal #RenewedStrength #SurvivorsHaveTrialsToo #ButWeFightThem #ArmorOfGod #ImNotGivingUp #CastYourCare #Ephesians6 #Isaiah40

Note: When commenting on blog posts via mobile device, there will be what looks like a login screen. Just enter your name and click "comment as guest" to post comments. Love you all!